Nicholas Gazin (skeleteen) wrote in disney_films,
Nicholas Gazin

20) The Rescuers Down Under (1990)

God, this movie is awful.

Anyone whose seen the original Rescuers probably remembers it. It's memorable, the kind of film that sticks in your memory and you fondly remember it. The villains were neat, the child character was actually cute, the colors were tasteful and the environmens were inventive. The Rescuers Down Under is kind of like a mixture of the original Rescuers movie with an episode of Captain Planet.

This movie opens with a little Australian boy saying goodbye to his Australian mother, neither of whom have Australian accents, and wandering around the outback with his animal friends. Unlike the first movie, this child is irritatingly stupid. He frees a gigantic eagle from a poacher's trap and it makes friends with him. This totally denies the true nature of eagles, a predatory bird that would eat the delicious little boy. I'm not an asshole but I find it irritating that we can't just protect the animals, we also have to make them kind and forgiving. Eagles don't give a fuck about you so fuck eagles. The evil poacher ends up finding the boy, realizing tha the knows the whereabouts of the valuable eagle and locks him in a cage. The evil poacher, McGreedy, doesn't have an Australian accent either.

We're introduced to our heroes, Bianca and Bernard, while they're eating dinner at a little restaurant full of cute vermin on the top of a chandelier in a fancy resaurant for humans. The waiters in this cute little restaurant are cockroaches who feed the refuse of the human restaurant to the rodents tha dine there. Needless to say the idea made my stomache churn like a washing machine. "Shoonka, shoonk! Shoonka, shoonk!" You all know what a washing machine sounds like. Bernard is about to ask the sexy white French mouse to marry him when they are called off to a mission in Australia where they are supposed to rescue that annoying little hippy. They meet an Australian mouse who has an Australian accent and he helps them find and rescue the boy and the eagle all while ignroing the safety of Bernard and trying to flex and impress for Bianca. They save the day and everyone's happy except for me because this movie has a huge gross out factor plus annoying leftist hippy animal worship bullshit.

If I was trapped in a cage and a bunch of talking mice tried to rescue me and revealed that there were civilizations of intelligent animals living with me I'd be too nauseated to go on living. I'd choose the cage over the confrontation of how gross the world is.

3 of 10

Here is John Rafft who storyboarded this movie. I cammand the followers of this livejournal to kill him for besmirching the name of the Rescuers.
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Hey Cat Stevens, it's not cool to implore strangers to kill artists you disagree with (like John Rafft or Salman Rushdie). If you want to tell people to go die and change your name to Yusuf Islam, that's your business, but go do it in some emasculated European shithole like Britain where they'll grant anybody who owns a pair of socks citizenship and all the civil rights they can eat. America says fuck to you.

It's true, this movie sucks big time. It was part of that whole eco-conscious craze in children's that didn't really teach kids anything about the environment. The biggest perpetrator in this eco-scam was Captain Planet, who taught kids that the environment was being wilfully destroyed by evil villains, rather than general negligence and a lack of resources. Result: the environment is a bigger mess than ever, and the kids who believed in Captain Planet probably place the blame squarely on the shoulders of George Bush, and have "BUCK FUSH" bumper stickers on their S.U.V.s, which they drive to Earth Day rallies in Los Angeles.

The whole concept of Disney making sequels to their animated classics is pretty crass. They should knock it off.